Sorry, My Bad....

Pay no attention, everything is fine...Nothing to see here... just move along...

OK, it seem there was some sort of a tiny little “earthquake’ in New York earlier today.

Sorry. My bad. Nothing to get upset about.

It’s like this. We were running a dress rehearsal some geological experiments, and one of the sub-contractors jumped the gun got a little confused. No need to panic, or get upset, or change your behavior in any way. Above all there is absolutely no need for anyone to cover themselves in sackcloth and repent their evil ways. No need for anything like that at all. Trust me on this. If you change your behavior, the terrorists win. I didn’t become “The Physical Embodiment of Ancient and Eternal Evil, Terrible Bringer of Madness and Destruction, and Great Devourer of Souls” ™ without knowing a thing or two about how divine justice and retribution work.

(And yes Karen, I did say “divine”, as in Old Testament, as in ”Jehovah”. Like you’ve always loved every boss you’ve ever had. I know about you and Mr. Nordstrum, so just put a sock in it.)

Now I know, there ARE some “religious nuts” saying things like “Old Testament behavior provokes an Old Testament response”, and admittedly things ARE getting a bit Gomorrahesque up there in the Big Apple.

(Incidentally, why does Sodom get all the press? Sodomy, Sodomite, Sodom on the Potomac, Sodom on the Bay… meanwhile half of America thinks Gomorrah was a kaiju from a Sandy Frank movie!)

In any case, I just wanted to assure you that Gomorrah On The Hudson (representation matters people) is in absolutely no danger. This is the 21st Century, not the Bronze Age. nobody is planning to go all fire and brimstone on the Greater New York Metro Area, or the District of Columbia, Eastern Farifax, Northwest Prince Georges, and Southern Montgomery County, OR the Western half of the State of California, (excepting Kern, Kings, and Tulare Counties; BUT still including San Bernadino, and Fresno). Those descriptions may seem a bit oddly specific, but it is not like there are long, drawn out, and seemingly endlessly negotiations between me and The Almighty about where exactly I can (and can’t) inflict justified retribution and fiery wrath. This certainly is not a situation where His divine indecisiveness can’t make up his mind and keeps postponing Armageddon. I may be the “The Physical Embodiment of Ancient and Eternal Evil, Terrible Bringer of Madness and Destruction, and Great Devourer of Souls” ™ even I can get impatient!!!

But, back to the point, you folks can all rest assured that the whole Genesis 18:34 thing is still in effect, and that as long as there are ten righteous people in a city, God will not allow me to destroy it, not even if I destroy it in a glorious pageant of pain, terror, and fire, with the earth itself magnificently opening up and hungry demons screaming through the night in a spectacular event that has been completely story-boarded and planned. No ! “For the sake of ten I will not destroy it.” That’s all He ever says… I mean, I’ve got Cambions, Gorgons, Imps, Goblins, Jikininki, Kappa, and Jinn on retainer, and the Leviathan is about to go into overtime, ( and you do not want to mess with the Leviathan’s Union, they’re part of the Teamsters) but all He ever says is “For the sake of ten I will not destroy it.”

Well, all I can say is that earlier this morning there was a slight mix up about when Rabbi Meyerson was coming back from Miami and when the Tortellis were leaving for Italy … and one of the sub-contractors miscounted and…. Terribly sorry. No need to take notice or anything, just go back and resume your lives, everything will be just fine.

Sorry for the bother.

How about them Yankees?